everyone has an outer persona
Sunday, June 1, 2008
EVERYONE HAS AN OUTER PERSONA
that seems so true.
this was what sarah my darling told me.
and i second this.
why else do i seem so different when i'm alone and when i'm with my frens?
LOLS
days have not been good.
i feel something tearing me down.
it's as though everything's not working out. EVERYthing.
not just ONE thing.
my parents, my life, my relationships....?
perhaps it's just me tearing myself down.
if i feel miserable, i will be miserable.
that may be true.
but i'm trying.
it's as though there are two things on my shoulder.
on one side, it's the devil.
the other side, it's the angel.
in this sense, it may be the idea of doing the wrong thing, and doing the right thing, represented by these two things.
on one hand, i feel life really makes no sense anymore for me. i have nothing to look forward to.
i have no life. i have no true comfort. no true home. no true love.
but on theother hand, i'm trying to tell myself this is not how i should think. God puts us in a place for a reason. every situation every problem, God will solve. nothing is impossible for Him.
but i think too much.
i think abt everything.
i'm telling myself this and telling myself that.
it's becoming too much. too much.
i just wish everything can pass.
now there i go again.
i just told myself if only i never lived.
but then, God created me, i should rejoice.
u ppl get what i mean now?
i AM tearing myself down.
this is crazy.
i can't take any more of this.
i need a punching bag.
i need to fall into a deep sleep.
i'd rather be in a dream
whenever i think i dun wanna be here anymore, what keeps me back is this grp of frens that i have.
all i need to do is think how they have been there for me, telling me to persevere.
thus i wanna thank them.
These are the ppl:
Joshua Poh, my dearest bestfren
Michelle Poon, always my adviser
Lynn Ng, my comforter
Wen Ting, my forever funny fren
Glen Chan, makes me laugh (can be caring)
Aaron Pang, my constant debating opponent?
Varrick, the teaser
and many more.
thanks. really.
somebody that really comforted me today, was Glen.
well, he knew i cried.
he came over, and just said those simple words," eh, okay anot? what happened?"
these are not fantastic words.
but they comforted me.
he cared, and that's what mattered.
another one, Aaron.
i was fuming with anger, he knew.
he created analogies.
"Carolyn, relax! i can feel your fire burning, wait burn until my this side chao tar and the other side still white." that made me laugh seriously.
then there were the girls who were there giving me their shoulders, allowing me to make their shirts wet.
all i needed to do was just see them, run to them and hug them. they were my comfort. i felt at home when i was with them, Lynn, Michelle, Wenting, Peggy.
thanks girlfriends. i love you all. i really do. thanks alot.
i'm being stripped away of the things i love.
i love KFC.
and i'm stripped from it.
i love the SYRENS.
and not going to KFC also takes away the SYRENS whom i love.
oh God, help me pull thru.
i love you God.
Ferrari((:
